pie club

...mince pie mayhem


Pie Club 2015

It's still a knockout

There's been an awakening, have you felt it? Really? Well, we have. Pie Club is back to guide you through the shelves aching with mincemeat treats and all things pastry-encased ready for Christmas 2015, partly using The Force, but mostly our lunch hour.

The sixteen finalists in our tournament draw have been selected by applying a comprehensive formula, based on variables including but not limited to: historic performance, number of previous appearances, and likely availability.

Look out for misfiring motifs, boozed-up inners, acid indigestion and shattered dreams...Bring on the pies!

Grand Final - Morrisons Signature vs Lidl Luxury - 15th Dec 2015
Phew, weve managed it. The Grand Final is upon us again, and all before the first sighting of Lukes 2015 hairdo. What will it be? Crew? Mullet? Cornrows?
Anyway, on with the pies. It has been a fun contest this year, with lots of mesmerising sleeves, confusing spice and more than a hint of stormtrooper.
Special mention goes to the Indian influence over at Asda ES one to watch for 2016, the new red box from M&S Classic well be talking that up all year, and Sainsburys classically brave but futile assault on the senses that mixed brutal outers with flaming ginger inners. The Walkers clansmen may be licking their wounds for some time after such a supreme effort.
The attention now, must turn to our finalists. Morrisons are not giving up their crown without a fight, and Lidl have their tails up, buoyed by the expectation of a decent Which? placing.
Morrisons Signature, 2014 Champ Lidl Luxury, 2013 Champ
Morrisons Signature, 2014 Champ Lidl Luxury, 2013 Champ
Morrisons Signature Lidl Luxury
It was their year in 2014, making it all the stranger that they changed their look for this campaign. Playing it safe has got them this far, but can a motif-free lid and a spartan carton carry them to a double? Monochromatic in their public face, rich fruit colours are concealed within a black box and stark white crust. The element of surprise has served them well, but can they find a new ambush for a more wily combatant?
Match Report
A deep breath and off we go.
MozSig begin with their effete pastry dabble, devoid of rigidity but blessed with a creeping sweetness. No such labouring from LidlLux, with a crisp and well-sugared lid spanking the cheek walls into yummy submission. A characteristically pained opening from MozSig, but have they set their own trap for the headlong challenger?
Cake-soft consistency from MozSigs outer combines with their hearty vine mix to prolong a mouthful of buttered apple crumble heaven. LidlLuxs first full swing offers peel on every level, and an absence of apple until the afterglow. This might come down to spiced apple versus peel-squared.
Both competitors roll out the hostess trolley, doling out large measures of brandy, branded or otherwise, to largely the same effect. Im certainly cheered by the booze, and in this happy, end of season stupor, Ill opt for Extra Pies. It is only fair to give these teams the fullest chance to impress

While the votes are counted from various parts of the body, and my rehab team ready the gallon of wheatgrass smoothie, Id like to thank everyone involved in the world of Pie Club, particularly Simon Wilson for running the website so soundly, and my continually supportive wife and family sorry all the lego has ended up greasy!
And if you are someone who is still reading this, thank you for spending the time on these pages. You should treat yourself for being so kind. Bless everyone, and see you in time for the next Disney Star Wars event. May the Force etc.
And the winner is: Never wavering from its festive depth of tang, Morrisons Signature nicks it again, despite an impactful year from Lidl. Yorkshire goes wild, or equivalent

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Semi Final - Sainsburys Taste The Difference vs Lidl Luxury - 14th Dec 2015
The honour of meeting the defending champion in the Grand Final, thats whats at stake today. Sainsburys are hoping to go one better than their tragic loss in 2012s Pru Leith dominated final, and Lidl are trying to recreate the magic of their 2013 shock victory. But first, a tough semi stands in their way.
As an aside, the mountain of criticism for my recycling of mince pie images in the previous tie has meant that it shall forever be known as The Lazy Semi. Thanks for that.
So, as the celebs stroll down the red carpet for tonights World Premiere of Episode VII, will they be missing a one-sided invasion of Hoth by the large beasts from the snowy North, or can Lidl use their crafty, chewy, ewok nuts to outclass a heavier foe?
Sainsburys TTD, Freedom Fighter Lidl Luxury, whats under that bonnet?
Sainsburys TTD, Freedom Fighter Lidl Luxury, whats under that bonnet?
Sainsburys Taste The Difference Lidl Luxury
Fast becoming known for their bulk and powerful ginger, these golden boxed behemoths bring a wealth of Scottish heritage to their battles. The bloody entrails thrust into their crumbshot speak of anger and the desire to throw off shackles. Or that the art director is unaware how brown it all gets inside these festive treats. Its probably about time the boys at Snowy Lodge had a look at fixing their Christmas badge. Elsewhere around this sleeve, Lidl have worked hard to engender a serious, luxurious feel, but once youve spotted that scattergun, twelve-motif spinner in the top corner, it feel like a childrens party. Albeit a scary one.
Match Report
Crunch! STTD get us underway in the only fashion they know. Crisp, smart edges offering a modicum of tang infused from those well-stocked inners.
LidlLuxs momma didnt raise no fool though, and they bounce straight back with a sweetened pastry hit; softer but not without bite.
An aftertaste of whisky and ginger ale elevates the resistive fruit chew, rewarding the plucky STTD picker. Lidl give up their charms in an altogether simpler manner, allowing access to their many layers of peel delight, with only the slightest mash. An occasional nut spills into the grind though, to keep you on your toes.
Extra Pies are required for the first time this season to separate these giants. When will the decisive blow be landed, and exactly how much cholesterol mush can bring on an alarmingly inelegant gastro-intestinal episode?
And the winner is: Lidl Luxury have stood up to be counted in the face of intense pressure from an intimidating enemy. Pick any scene you like from Star Wars for that one.

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