pie club

...mince pie mayhem


Pie Club...Reader's Pies

This is your opportunity to post images of your own to embellish the festive feel of Pie Club.

Feel free to send shots of home made treats or any unusual pie-related happenings.

Maybe you have found the face of Jesus in a Tesco Deep Filled, or you have recreated a memorable scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark using only Aldi's offerings.

E-mail your contributions to .


With a sense of crushing inevitability, the world of reality television arrives in pie form. Channel 4's Naked Attraction has taught us, amongst other things, that love at first sight needn't be limited to a twinkle in the eye. Our Santa, in this spirit of full disclosure, is making his festive selection without the distraction of foil cases or box lids.

If the result turns out anything like its televisual inspiration, poor Father Christmas is destined to spend Christmas Eve alone, spurned by a jumped up Taste The Difference.
Look away now, if you can't bear custard creams or the slaughter of innocents. Ably assisted by a squad of First Order iced-top mincemeat minions, Kyroll Ren's lightsaber is about to end one cameo but send Stormtrooper FN-2187 into super-stardom, as he decides to bite the hand that feeds him, rather than the biscuits.

Where's Poe Macaron when you need him?
There are many things that can bring you to the attention of Dexter, the Miami Metro's own serial killer of serial killers. Many would argue that failing to provide mince pies (twice) for the purposes of Pie Club competition is not akin to multiple murder and we might agree, unfortunately for Waitrose All Butter, Dexter's dark passenger cannot accept poor stock management. Who knew?
If Medusa lived in Royal Leamington Spa and, following a misunderstanding over a Christmas hamper, ended up being cursed by the High Priestess of the W.I., we could account for the picture below. Doomed to live forever with a gaze that turns pastry to knitwear, she would retreat to a cave on the Chatsworth Estate, with only a devoted stollen for a baked Christmas friend.

As it turns out Mrs Tarbatt, a very talented Derbyshire needler, put these woolly mince pies together and as a non-Gorgon, it took her ages. And no, you can't follow her on Twitter.
Jumpers for pies
More dark arts! Thanks to Jennie from Winster for these Ecclefechan Tart exposures. Nothing polarizes opinion like the Ecclefechan, but while devouring each faultless morsel I couldn't help pondering the well-worn 'Fear_Anger_Hate_Suffering_Disney' path. Perhaps there may be room in our world for pies AND tarts?
No! It's not right
No! It's not right
Bustin' makes me feel good! Or so my optimistic Hypno-Urologist keeps suggesting. But those without constant pressure on a weary bladder will associate that anthemic cry with the delights of New York's first and best Ghostbusters. Here we watch as Venkman et al tackle another ectoplasmic entity just don't cross the streams!
I ain't afraid of no pie
Pie Jedis amongst you may have felt a disturbance in the crust of late, as if a thousand bakers cried out in horror and then fell silent.

It is almost certainly my development of a new, powerful darkness atop the mincemeat universe. Ladies and gents, I give you The Ganache Topped Mince Pie...

Yes, I am worried for the future of normal pies.
Pie sacrilege or a new taste sensation?
Pie sacrilege or a new taste sensation?
Anyone who's attempted to ice a swastika onto a pie top while the wife and kids are at the park (or carve one into a forehead) will know the difficulty rating on this snap is quite high. Excuses aside, please enjoy Tarantino's war effort conjured in confectionary. Those 'Inglourious Bakewells' have vented their fury on an unfortunate Sainsbury's Red Box patrol, giving the 'Bear Chew' more Nazi batting practise.
Looks like we have a bit of a sticky situation here
All good things come to those who wait. Annie Ko, of annieko.com, has provided us with our very first 'actual' reader's pies. Full credit Annie! I could dwell on that tray shot all day long...
Pies by Annie
Pies by Annie
Following a contest to produce the most Christmassy result from the existing picture, please see below Pie Club's Merry Christmas to all Readers!.
24 Hour Pie People
Should an Alien land on Earth and require an explanation of intangible concepts such as love or pity I think the image below will suffice for 'excitement'. A crowded Pie-Off arena waits in near silence as the two combatants size each other up. Unbelievably, one contestant has the audacity to poke a cheeky tongue at his fruity foe. Will he be made to pay for his insolence?
The tension is palpable
What new devilry is this?

Who would have thought that those pint sized, hairy footed halflings would finally pull through and put us all out of our misery? In the end the massed armies of Sauron were no match for Ferodo and the stupid fat hobbit.

"One Pie to rule them all!".
Just throw the sodding ring in!
Anyone given the task of terrifying the relatives after Christmas dinner will be familiar with this kind of unnerving fruit splatter scenario. I apologise for any returning childhood jitters summoned by my tribute to Ridley Scott's 1979 masterpiece. Literally a breakthrough moment for Alien, and a terrible waste of John Hurt's after dinner speech, I give you In pastry, no-one can hear you scream.
It's a boy!
Our future history tells us that apes will rule over man (and neglect New York landmarks), but how much of a leap is it to imagine Kiwi Fruit becoming the eventual overlords of planet Earth? In this chilling incarnation, our captured mincemeat hero booms, "Get your stinking seeds off me you damn dirty fruit!".
A nightmare we all share, no doubt.
It really could happen
Look at these little beauties! Taken in the first few moments after escaping the oven, my wife's best ever twelve. Phew. You've no idea how much of a euphemistic minefield I've had to negotiate for this comment.
Nice Pies
The final slice of original trilogy sees a desperate Luke Piewalker dangling from a Wampa's icy larder shelf. I'm particularly happy with the wintry atmosphere engendered by this Hoth/Christmas cross-over. At last, the circle is complete.
"Feel the force, Luke"
Continuing my earlier theme, I've cobbled together another Star Wars scene. Jabba the Squash watches on as Leia frees Han from his ginger beer tomb. Yes, I know it's a bit basic. Lucas probably started with meatballs and breadsticks. Anyway, I've given this artwork the title "Ho, ho, ho".
"Ho, ho, ho"
Just to get the ball rolling, I've thrown together this iconic New Hope image of good versus evil. All the emotions of the original are evoked by this snapshot of the early exchanges between 'Old Ben' and his biggest clanger drop. You can almost hear a strained Nooooooooo!, as Tesco Finest prepares to become more powerful than M&S Luxury can ever imagine. PC.
Pie Wars
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